


Shades of Saffire

by Tsukino_Akume



Series: At the Break of Darkness [1]
Category: Power Rangers
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Child Neglect, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Mind Manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 18:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2238630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukino_Akume/pseuds/Tsukino_Akume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the Power Chamber and Turbo Powers gone and both of his teams moved on with their lives, Justin struggles with life as an inactive Ranger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer/:** So very not mine. I'm pretty sure none of the actors would *want* to act out this 'verse. c.c;;;  
>  **Warnings/:** Angst, violence, OOC Justin (I write him as being very dark and bitter, for a lot of reasons based on canon. If that bothers you, this may not be for you.)  
>  **Author's Notes/:** For moon01234 and TheMonsterInside7, who pushed me about an old, old fic I haven't looked at in awhile. And for everyone who's taken the time to tell me how much they loved an incarnation of my Fade to Darkness stories.
> 
> This isn't actually FtD ... yet. This is ... sort of a promise, really. And an explanation.
> 
> Two years ago, I had a wonderful, fabulous, ass-kicking Beta of DOOM who pushed and pushed at me to start working on the new version of FtD. She was the biggest slave driver beta I've ever had, and she was amazing at it. She was also my biggest cheerleader, and pushed for more because she wanted to read it, too.
> 
> Two years ago, she died very suddenly. I haven't had the heart to look at FtD since.
> 
> More recently however, I've been re-watching PR for ideas to flesh out my Bright Skies 'verse, only to find myself with more ideas for FtD. So I started reading over where I started. I'm still a bit stuck at points, but I've been actively thinking about it and trying to work on building out the timeline and plot points. It's not the first project on my mind at the moment, but it's most definitely not abandoned. Never ever. I love this 'verse far too much.
> 
> And I did promise IndigoMay a 'verse where Trini lives. ^_~
> 
> This is really just a prequel to the new story, about what happened with Justin and why. I'm posting it as a thank you to all the people who took the time to ask what's happening with the re-write, and to remind myself that this story needs to continue. And it will. Just a little slower than I'd like. c.c;;
> 
> Enjoy! V^.^;;

It felt like he should have seen it coming, somehow.

"You're ... what?" 

He stared uncomprehendingly. This wasn't real. It was just some horrible nightmare. 

His father sighed. "Justin ... it's not ... " He ran a hand through his hair in agitation. "This is a fantastic opportunity. It could mean a lot of great things in the future." 

"I'm your son." The words were flat and emotionless. He wasn't sure where they came from; his brain had stopped functioning shortly after the conversation started. 

"Of course you are," he said sharply. "And if there was any way I could just let you stay in this house while I'm gone, I would." He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "I'm doing this for *you*, Justin." 

"Don't lie." He found himself glaring at the man before him. "Taking off on some 'business opportunity' and dumping me is for you. Running off after Mom died to bury yourself in 'work' was for you. Trying to dump me off on Uncle Hal was - " 

"That's *enough*!" 

There was a long moment of silence as they stared at each other. 

"You aren't the only one who's suffered. You *definitely* aren't the only one who's had to make sacrifices," Justin said quietly. He shook his head as a harsh, bitter laugh escaped. "You have no *idea* what I gave up for you. And now you're pulling this?" 

His father was tense with anger now. "You're not even thirteen yet," he snapped. "You don't know anything about sacrifices." 

_\-- "Hey Justin, we're missin' somebody!"_

_So many eyes, watching him. Wondering, guessing how *he* knew the Power Rangers. Wondering why the Rangers would trust a kid like him out of everyone in Angel Grove._

_**You must never reveal your identity to anyone.**_

_" He ... he can't come with you." --_

His fists tightened, the Turbo Power burning fiercely through his muscles as his temper rose. The look he gave in return was furious. "And *you* don't know anything about *me* to make that kind of assumption. I know more about sacrifice than you *ever* will!" 

There was a moment of tense silence as they just glared at one another. "My god, Justin," his dad sighed at last, running another hand through his hair. "I just ... Sometimes I feel like I don't even know you anymore." 

He froze. 

_\-- “You do have friends, Justin. You have us.” --_

_\-- "You must take your lead from the others - " --_

_\-- "Justin, you can't - " --_

Eventually he forced himself to take a slow, deep breath, ignoring the tears burning at his eyes. "It doesn't matter anymore whether you know me or not," he snarled bitterly. "You stopped being my father the day Mom died. I've just been trying to tell myself it wasn't true." 

His father stared back, shock once again giving way to outrage as his expression turned furious. "Justin - !" 

"Go to h - he ... ll." he choked out, his fury and pain fighting past the language censor of his Morpher. He shook his head, turned, and walked away. 

It was all just a nightmare ...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of this chapter is credited to my dear [Arytra](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Arytra/pseuds/Arytra), who pointed out that Justin's dad should not have legally been able to just dump Justin off and then pick him up again, because social services doesn't work like that.

The 'nightmare' had ended in Justin back at Little Angel's Haven only a week later - over a month ago now, with barely a goodbye. His dad insisted it was only temporary, he'd be back soon, he just needed some time, blah, blah, blah, standard deadbeat dad speech. The shelter volunteers had nodded along, but they hadn't exactly looked sorry to see him leave, and had been trying extra hard to make Justin feel welcome after he was gone. It was the same thing they'd done the first time he'd been dumped, but there was an air of ... finality to it now. They dodged around the subject, but it was pretty clear to him that his dad had blown his last chance at getting to keep him. Angel Grove's adoption and CPS laws were pretty relaxed, but they weren't *that* relaxed.

 _Jerk_ , he thought at him darkly, wishing the Power would let him use the word he really wanted. 

He abandoned the binder he'd been working on at the desk in his room and closed his eyes, dropping his head in his hands. The more he'd thought about it later, he realized he should have been expecting it for a while now. After the first few awkward attempts to bond with him, his dad had become distant, spending more and more time at work. He'd always passed it off as another important project that he needed to get done. Justin hadn't really questioned it; he was still adjusting to being a Ranger again, even - especially - being an inactive one, and anxiously awaiting for a chance to get in contact with the others again. It wasn't like he and his dad had been all that close for awhile now. Maybe they never had. 

He sighed to himself and picked up a marker, absently doodling in the margins of his binder. He glanced at what he'd drawn and winced. Streaks of red, blue, green, yellow, and pink marred the paper. Even in his head, he still couldn't get away from it; from them. From the Power Rangers in general. 

Scrawled awkwardly beside the streaks was the project he'd been staring at before his thoughts had drifted again. He'd been working on it on and off for nearly a year now, since he found it in the Power Chamber's archives not long after he'd become a Ranger. A 'prophecy', as Alpha had labeled it. Not that he really believed that someone could predict the future, but it was a puzzle he could work on when he needed distracting. 

_When Courage is overtaken by cruelty and a Protector swayed by magic._  
_A Guardian will become the mercenary, an Artisan shall seek to destroy all that was once loved, and the Mystic shall turn to torture._  
_When a Spirit twists and a Healer becomes pain, the Heart will turn to hatred_  
_Knowledge faces betrayal, and Light turns to darkness_

He'd figured out long ago that the attributes were a reference to the Power Rangers, and that the prophecy was about a group of Rangers turning evil. Or at least, he thought that's what it meant. There were more listings of attributes being twisted than there were Ranger Colors. He guessed that the capitalization was important. Most likely it gave clues to the identities of the 'Dark Rangers', as he'd taken to calling them. Unfortunately he was still no closer to figuring out the entire prophecy than he had been when he first discovered it. 

He still flinched slightly at the thought of the Power Chamber, no matter how hard he'd tried to train it out of himself. It had been six months since its destruction, three since he'd last seen the Astro Rangers. Storm Blaster had stopped by once more after taking him home from that night, but it was only to tell him he had to leave - something about finding someone, and warning him to be careful and stay safe. He was grateful *someone* had remembered to say goodbye at least, though it still hurt to think they'd all left him. 

He shook his head. It was stupid, to be upset over all this. It was life, pure and simple. People leave. Life stinks and then you die, as Patsy used to say on her darker days. 

_Or did she?_ his mind whispered traitorously. He pushed the thought brutally aside. 

He was isolated these days, and it disturbed him to realize that it actually bothered him now. He hadn't been able to get back in touch with Tommy, Kat, Adam, or Tanya since they'd left the team. He listened to Tanya on the radio whenever he got the chance, but he'd only gotten a 'Thanks for writing in!' auto-reply when he tried sending something to the station, and he never seemed to get through when he called in. Getting in touch with the other three was even more impossible; Tommy hadn't remembered to leave him any contact information - the jerk - Kat wasn't even in the country anymore, and Adam was apparently too busy to write back more than one 'Hey! I miss you! Things are going great!' letter. 

He could have tried Rocky, but he couldn't bring himself to attempt it. He'd get as far as picking up a phone and just ... stop. Rocky had a knack for seeing through him in a way that no one else ever had; it tended to make him uncomfortable. And Rocky had his own problems to deal with anyway. 

As for getting a hold of the Astro Rangers … 

Well. Apparently that wasn't happening, either. 

He'd just turned thirteen a week and a half ago. Tommy's birthday was yesterday. Not one letter. Not one phone call. Not even a card. 

And now that he wasn't an active Ranger, he was realizing just how many friends he had outside of the team: as in none. The high school-aged kids ignored him because he was younger and smarter than them, and the kids his age were intimidated by him or something. He'd tried to hang out with Nico once or twice, but that just felt awkward. After all, Nico was still just an innocent, normal kid. He wasn't, now. If he ever had been. 

The Turbo Power was starting to do a slow burn again as his emotions wavered back and forth, pushing him to do something. Go somewhere. It never liked to go unused, but now that he wasn't fighting ... 

With a growl of frustration, he jumped to his feet and grabbed his skateboard. Skating had always helped to clear his head. He didn't bother with any gear - he couldn't be bothered to care enough about getting hurt to worry about it. Maybe the fresh air would help clear his head. 

****

He stopped at a park bench to take a break, leaning his board against it. Flopping his head back with a sigh, he ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know why he couldn't get past this. He hadn't been an active Ranger for *six months*. Yeah, once or twice he'd seen the Astro Rangers on T.V., or run into some Quantrons in the park, but nothing really beyond that. 

He glanced down at his wrist. He hadn't been able to bring himself to stop wearing the morpher Storm Blaster had given him since he'd gotten it. He could still sense the Power through it, but that was the problem. The Turbo Powers had been something between a Power of their own, and something siphoned off the Zeo Crystal. He still wasn't entirely sure what had happened to the Zeo Crystal in the wake of losing the Power Chamber - he couldn't exactly call up any of the Zeo Rangers and ask if they'd seen it - but there was something ... different about the Power now. Sometimes it buzzed through his veins, driving him to get out and _do_ something; other times it was silent. Once in awhile he thought he could sense something ... more, something that wasn't his own Power, but he wasn't quite sure how to label it. It was almost like hearing someone whisper in the back of his mind, trying to get his attention, but not being able to answer them back. 

He wasn't an active Ranger so he didn't need the morpher, yet he couldn't bring himself to leave it behind. Power Withdrawal was part of it, sure, but it wasn't the only reason. He just ... couldn't. 

He leaned forward and buried his face in his hand. "Man, I'm pathetic," he muttered. 

The tell-tale sound of fizzling air echoed above him, and he paused. Teleportation. He looked up slowly. 

They weren't anything he recognized. Pale, blue-skinned humanoid creatures, dressed in armor with long triangular green blades running upwards along both of their arms from the wrist. Something that looked like a matching green fin ran down the back of their heads. And they were all around him, making bubbling noises that sounded very much like Piranhatrons. 

He eyed one of the blades as the creature reached toward him. "This is gonna hurt," he grumbled to himself, tensing. 

Slamming his hands down on the bench, he jerked his legs up and kicked outward. The creature fell onto its rear end with a cry. He attempted to swing his feet up and over, missed, and slid off the bench. 

Ranger Reflexes were the only thing that saved him from cracking his head, managing to land in a handstand instead. He heaved upward again, flipping to land on another creature. His weight dropped it to the ground, a punch to the face ensuring that it stayed there. Throwing himself to one side, he rolled to his feet as they came at him. He retaliated with several forward kicks, trying to force them back far enough to get an opening. He spun to the side with a fist, only to gasp as something stung his stomach. 

He glanced down, stumbling back with wide eyes. A hand came up to touch the tear through his t-shirt: the line beneath was already leaking an angry red. "Looks like these guys mean business!" he quipped, fighting back a surge of nervousness as the slice continued to bleed. "Time to even the score." He shifted his stance, twisting his wrist swiftly. "Shift into - !" 

Stars exploded before his vision, and he slumped to the ground as everything slowly began to turn black. 

_Hey ... that's not fair ... they're not supposed to do that ...._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The memories Justin experiences in this chapter are a blend of canon (Seriously, watch the Turbo Movie again. You'll see it.) and a couple of references to a backstory/headcanon I'm working on, [The Life I Never Lived](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2530685%22), which details the changes brought about by the Zeo Crystal's shenanigans and the various people affected by them.

There were mirrors everywhere. 

He sat up slowly, looking around warily for the blue creatures from before, but as far as he could see, he was alone. There were just - mirrors. Everywhere, lined up one after another. 

_Better get to higher ground_ , he thought immediately, trying to get his feet under him and wincing as the bloody line on his stomach twinged. It was healing, but not fast enough. He'd have to avoid a fight for as long as he could. 

He caught movement out of the corner of his eye, jerking around so sharply it was painful. 

The boy in front of him looked like he'd grown an inch or two, but he was starting to reach that stage when his body didn't seem quite proportional; all gangly limbs and short torso. His blue T-shirt was tattered, his jeans were starting to develop threadbare patches, and he seemed to be missing a sneaker for some reason. His hair was shaggy, nearly touching his chin now, and rumpled in all directions. He was startlingly pale, and another glance at the slice in his stomach showed that his ribs were just starting to show. Deep circles shadowed his eyes, and the look in them ... 

"Is that me?" he whispered aloud. 

He crawled closer to the mirror, reaching out slowly to trace the reflection. There was a distant feeling of horror as his fingers ran along the side of the image's face. The image moved with him, flinching away when he did. 

The eyes that watched him were a flat, dull blue. They were the eyes of someone who had seen too much, been through too many hardships. The eyes of someone who had been hurt and betrayed. Eyes that had lost hope that things would ever get better. 

Eyes that did not belong on the face of a thirteen-year-old boy. 

_Am I thirteen?_

_I don't know anymore._

He shuddered, looking away. 

_:: Now you're afraid of yourself? ::_ a voice sneered in his thoughts. 

"I ... " He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering again. "I never thought ... I didn't .... " 

_:: That this what being a Power Ranger does to people? ::_

His head snapped up, eyes wide. "That's not why! This isn't - " 

_:: Being given a gift that was taken away, then given back broken and useless? Being left behind, over and over and over again? Being treated like you're stupid and weak just because you're younger than they are? ::_

He opened his mouth to argue, the same argument he always gave when part of himself started raging over things he couldn't change - 

_:: Like a life that was stolen from you? ::_

He froze. Tears welled slowly in his eyes, and he found himself sagging to the ground, trying to hold back the urge to sob. "No. No, that wasn't - " 

_:: Was it? Are you sure? ::_

"I - " 

_:: Are you. *Absolutely*. Sure. ::_

He closed his eyes. 

No. He had suspicions - strong suspicions, after Alpha 5 had started letting him read through old system files in the Power Chamber - that time had been ... _changed_ somehow, but nothing concrete. He had no real evidence of things he thought he remembered, things that hadn't ever happened. And he didn't have any reason to suspect that it was because of - 

_It was the Rangers. You know it was. There's no other explanation._

"No ... " he murmured again. "I don't blame .... " 

_:: Do you? ::_

Slowly, he began to remember. Things that he had tried so hard to forget, painful memories that he had desperately pushed away. Memories that still made silent tears fill his eyes.

 _~ "Guys! I'm the new Blue Ranger. Isn't that cool or what?"_

_"What ... ?" Kat asked slowly._

_Tanya rolling her eyes at him. Adam's bewildered look. Tommy's incredulous stare._

_The longer they just kept standing there, the more uncomfortable he became._

_Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a good idea. ~_

_~ "But you have to remember that we're your family now, too." Then she smiled. "Come here."_

_He sighed mentally, surrendering to the hug she would never let him out of anyway. He smiled in spite of himself at the feeling of warm arms around him. It was nice; comforting. Something he hadn't felt in a long time._

_He blamed it on the energy of the Morpher he still couldn't seem to adjust to._

_Then she pulled away and poked him in the nose, smiling brightly. "'kay. Don't stay out here too long. Even Power Rangers need their sleep."_

_"Okay," he agreed with a more forced smile._ What am I, five? _he wondered silently. ~_

_~ He'd always thought he was brave. He'd been through enough in his life that there wasn't much that scared him anymore. But those things walking toward him were unlike *anything* he'd ever seen._

_"Help," he croaked, reaching for his throat as it tightened painfully. "Guys," he tried again. "Hey, guys."_

_But there was no one. No one was coming, except the monsters. ~_

_~ He sprinted through the front door, tossing his backpack to the side. "Any mail for me today?" he asked eagerly. It had been more than a week since he'd sent the letters; even Kat had to have mailed something back by now._

_"No," his dad murmured, staring at his computer. "Sorry, Justin. Not today."_

_"Oh." He tried to smile. "What's for dinner?"_

_"Sorry, I've really gotta get this done today. I ordered a pizza - should be here any time."_

_"Sounds great," he sighed, smile dropping._

_But his dad was already focused on the computer again. ~_

_~ He watched the viewing globe as the horde of Piranatrons abruptly stopped pounding at the doors and ran. But they weren't retreating; they couldn't be. They already had the Rangers trapped._

_He could feel Carlos behind him. He glanced over at the concerned look on his face before turning back to watch. "Pretty soon, they'll all come back, won't they," he said softly._

_"You scared?"_

_He hesitated. "Are you?"_

_Carlos nodded, and for a moment, he could see it in his eyes. "Yeah. I am."_

_He glanced back at the screen. "Me, too."_

This is it, _he realized abruptly._ I'm thirteen years old, and I'm about to - 

_But the Power still refused to let him think the word. ~_

_~ "T.J.! The spaceshuttle is all ours!" he declared into his communicator, safely hidden from view of the security guards. Grinning hurt, but he was too proud to care. He'd done it. He'd finally convinced Commander Norquest that he was serious, and the shuttle was being prepped._

_He'd never been so grateful for all the time Zordon used to let him snoop around the Power Chamber's files._

_He froze._

_Zordon._

_**You must never reveal your identity to anyone.**_

_He'd asked them to turn off the security cameras leading toward the shuttle. The guards had protested, but he'd insisted it was to protect the Ranger's identities. "After everything they've fought for, don't they deserve some privacy?" he'd asked._

_"It's the least we can do," Commander Norquest had agreed, and that was that._

_But he hadn't thought about how he was going to leave the room to go with them. Or how he'd get back out past the guards, who knew to expect him now. Who already thought he was a security risk. General Norquest was allowing him to stay because he'd had the passcode in Zordon's archives that granted the cooperation of NASADA, but that understanding didn't extend to everyone else in the building._

_**You must never reveal your identity to anyone.**_

I ... 

I can't go. Can I. _~_

He shook his head, trying to muffle his cries with a fist. "I don't ... I don't blame ... " he choked. 

_:: Do you? ::_ the voice whispered again. _:: They left you behind. All of them. They abandoned you when you needed them the most. They never took you seriously, and as soon as it was convenient, they were gone. Even that stupid car that said it was your friend, who gave you a broken toy and left you alone again. ::_

"It wasn't like that." 

Who was he still trying to convince? 

_:: They abandoned you. Left you behind while they 'moved on'. ::_

Months of waiting for a letter or a phone call, only to be met with disappointment.

 _:: Left you behind without a word, replaced you with another. ::_

He scowled at the thought of the Red Space Ranger, at the way they'd pushed him forward with smiles so they could be introduced, completely missing the moment Andros' eyes narrowed in disgust. 

_:: *They* don't even care about you anymore. How dare they call themselves your family when they abandon you in an *orphanage*? ::_

He was shaking now, the sudden surge of anger nearly overpowering. "How dare they abandon me .... I am *not* somebody's *charity case*!" he snarled. 

_:: Punish them. ::_

He paused, slowly looking up. "Punish?" he repeated with a frown, anger subsiding. He didn't want to hurt anyone. 

And then he looked up into his reflection again. Tattered, broken, and alone, with eyes that screamed of hurt and betrayal. The Power burning in his veins, raging with his broken heart and begging to be used. He saw what he had become. 

A cold feeling settled over him, and the uncertainty vanished. "Punish them," he said quietly, coldly. He stood, staring at the image. He reached out to touch it, then abruptly punched the mirror, shattering it into pieces. He ignored the pain in his hand, staring at where the reflection had been. "I will *never* let *anyone* do that to me again," he whispered furiously. 

"I can help you." 

He spun, automatically shifting into a fighting stance. "Who are you?" he demanded. 

The creature was ugly to say the least. It was a sort of mesh between different monsters he'd known as a Ranger, and distantly he wondered why. He found himself absently identifying them in the back of his mind as he watched it warily. Goldygoyle's head on Maligore's body with glowing red eyes, and fangs that reminded him of Rygog. Divatox's smile. Astronema's staff. What *was* this thing, anyway? 

"I am called Vengeance," it informed him. "I can help you with the revenge you seek. I will give you the power to change *worlds*." 

"No thanks," he scoffed, his gaze falling to the morpher on his wrist. "I've had more 'Power' than I'll ever want again." 

Vengeance smiled in a way that would normally have sent chills down his spine. "I do not refer to that pathetic piece of machinery you carry. I can give you true, natural, blinding power." 

He snorted. Sure he could. "And what do you want in return?" 

The smile remained. "Make them suffer." 

Yeah, like it was ever that simple. 

He stared for a long moment, studying the creature. No. He should say no. He didn't need revenge, and he didn't want to hurt anyone. He just ... he just wanted .... 

The voice in his mind reminded him of all the things that *they* had done, of all the hurt and pain they had caused him. There were other voices too, the Power whispering in protest, but they were so soft he could barely hear them. And when he continued to hesitate, the lone voice brought the image of the lost, broken boy in the mirror. 

_~ "You do have friends, Justin. You have us." ~_

He reached for Vengeance's hand without a second thought. "You have a deal."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is my new headcanon that Dex once taught Justin how to drive Magno. (His own talking car, for anyone who never cared for the Masked Rider series.) And probably Chopper, too.
> 
> Yes, this the final chapter. For anyone who remembers there was a Chapter 5 at one point, I finally came to the conclusion that this was a better ending. It leads straight into At the Break of Darkness: Searching Through Shadows. Or it will eventually.

"This will hurt," Vengeance informed him. "The restraints are to keep you from removing any equipment during the process."

He'd been strapped to a chair with metal clamps over his ankles, thighs, wrists, upper arms, and chest. An odd sort of helmet sat on his head, connected to a large machine. Tubing had been inserted into his arms and legs, running to a container of something black that sparkled enticingly. The Turbo Powers were buzzing anxiously under his skin, fighting against the lack of movement available. 

He *really* didn't like the looks of this; it was like something out of a B-grade monster movie. 

One of the blade creatures that had ambushed him earlier fiddled with the buttons of the machine attached to his helmet. He braced himself for whatever the machine was supposed to do to him, waiting. After a few moments of nothing, he raised an eyebrow. "I think it's broken. You might wanna call a repairman," he quipped. 

The machine flashed abruptly, and the helmet began to glow. 

_~ "Wish I could drive a car as cool as Magno," he sighed, running a hand gently along her side as he and Dex lay on her hood._

_"I'd be glad to be of assistance, Justin," Magno purred, headlights blinking._

_He looked up at Dex, who gave a slow grin in response. "Why not?" he agreed. ~_

Justin went deathly pale. A memory machine. This was *not* good. 

_~ He jumped down, looking up at the jeep. "Wow ... Cool," he murmured. The first car he hadn't had to alter just to reach the stupid pedals. And it handled like a dream ..._

_He'd been worried he wouldn't make it to them in time. Rocky's story had taken too long, and then his reaction when he'd first seen Zordon ... And Alpha testing his driving skills, to make sure he could handle the hard maneuver his car would have to make to form the Megazord - it had been intended for Rocky, after all. He smiled as he remembered how surprised the little robot had been, claiming that he handled his Zord better than some of the other Rangers._

_When he turned to jog over to them, they were staring at him._

_"Justin, what are you doing here?" Tanya demanded._

_Wasn't it obvious? "Rocky couldn't make it. So he sent me."_

_"What are you talking about?" Adam wondered._

_Apparently they still weren't getting it. Excitement and adrenaline surged, and he burst out without thinking. "Guys! I'm the new Blue Ranger. Isn't that cool or what?"_

_They were still staring at him._

_"What ... ?" Kat asked slowly._

_... Did Tanya just roll her eyes?_

_He was starting to get nervous, but the incredible energy Zordon had warned him about couldn't be contained. He babbled on, just barely remembering to catch himself before he let out something he didn't want them to know. "I was afraid I wasn't going to make it. Alpha had to give me a crash course in driving. Good thing you don't need a license to drive a Zord," he added thoughtfully._

_Okay, Tanya *definitely* rolled her eyes that time._

_He fought back the urge to say something else stupid; he would have smacked himself by now if he was them. But the longer they just kept standing there, the more uncomfortable he became. "So ... what are we doing here?"_

_They all jumped, turning to look back at the ship on the water. That must have been the Ghost Galleon Zordon had told him about. He wondered what ghosts had to do with anything. There was no such thing, after all._

_"We'll, uh ... We'll talk about this later." Tommy told them all. "Right now we gotta get those cars on that ship. Let's go."_

_Talk about it later? He frowned as he struggled to heave himself up and climb back into Mountain Blaster. Stupid genetics; geez, he needed a growth spurt. Zordon had already agreed with Rocky's choice. Didn't that mean that he was part of the team now?_

_Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a good idea. ~_

"Stop it! Turn it off! Turn it *off*!" 

_~ Finally, peace and quiet. No more interrogations from Tommy. No more skepticism from Tanya. No more of Kat's smothering attention. Not even Adam's confusion as he kept asking why Rocky hadn't been able to come or why he hadn't called them to explain. Seriously, if Rocky didn't say something soon, he was going to have to lock them in a closet together or something; it was getting ridiculous._

_No matter how many times he told them what had happened, it was like they couldn't believe it or something. They just couldn't seem to understand why he was there. And Tommy and Tanya looked like they were just *waiting* for him to screw up, so they could send him home._

_He scowled abruptly. Zordon told him to touch the stupid pedestal, darn it! He hadn't even *wanted* it. But Rocky sent him anyway, and Zordon talked him into it, and now here he was._

_"Take your cue from the others," he muttered to himself. "Yeah, right. They'd 'cue' me to go home."_

_"Justin, where are you?" Kat called. "Justin!"_

_He tried not to groan, but forced himself to answer anyway. "I'm over here."_

_She came over, leaning in next to him as he looked out over the water. That was one of the problems with Kat: she had no concept of personal space. She was always *right there*, trying to hug him or talk to him. "Hey," she said at last. "Why don't you come down below with us? It's getting pretty cold out here."_

_Yeah, right. Just what he needed: more lectures._

_"I'm way to excited to sleep," he informed her instead, scrambling for something to say. "I was just thinking. If my dad only knew ... Man, he'd be so proud of me." He smiled faintly. Maybe he'd even come *home*. Then he brightened, imagining all the brats who kept calling him 'weird' and what they'd look like if they saw what he could *really* do. "And all the kids at the shelter - "_

_Kat was frowning. "Justin - "_

_"I know," he interrupted, his smile dimming. "It's for me to know and them to find out. Rangers' Code of Honor." Besides; who would he tell? "I won't tell anybody."_

_"Good."_

_Her bright smile was back now, and he found himself searching for more small talk before she started to ask questions. And for some reason, he just couldn't seem to keep his mouth shut now. He wondered if it had anything to do with the way the Power almost seemed to buzz through his veins, humming faintly just under his skin. "Guess my dad's still up north. He had to close down the martial arts studio after my mom passed away," he added. He wasn't sure if she'd bothered to look into his background as much as Rocky had._

_"Why'd he close it down?" she asked softly._

_He shrugged a little, turning back to stare over the water. "He just ... he just couldn't focus anymore. It was like something was missing inside of him."_

_"He'll find it again." He knew that she was trying to make him feel better; it wasn't working. "He just needs ... a little time, that's all."_

_"I know," he lied. He doubted his father would ever be the same. None of them would. "And when he does, we can be family again." He smiled softly again, thinking of his cousins as he glanced up at her. "That's important."_

_"Yeah, it is," she agreed, eying him thoughtfully. "But you have to remember that we're your family now, too." Then she smiled. "Come here."_

_He sighed mentally, surrendering to the hug she would never let him out of anyway. He smiled in spite of himself at the feeling of warm arms around him. It was nice; comforting. Something he hadn't felt in a long time._

_He blamed it on the energy of the Morpher he couldn't seem to adjust to._

_Then she pulled away and tapped his nose, smiling brightly. "'kay. Don't stay out here too long. Even Power Rangers need their sleep."_

_"Okay," he agreed as his smile turned forced._ What am I, five? _he wondered silently. ~_

_~ He'd always thought he was brave. He'd been through enough in his life that there wasn't much that scared him anymore. But those things walking toward him across the deck were unlike *anything* he'd ever seen._

_"Help," he croaked, reaching for his throat as it tightened painfully. "Guys," he tried again. "Hey, guys."_

_But there was no one. No one was coming, except the monsters. ~_

_~ He'd moved to the right because it felt natural. He didn't even realize he was doing it until he noticed he wasn't in sync with the others. But Tanya had glared at him, and then Tommy looked annoyed..._

_Hadn't any other new Rangers make mistakes before? Or was this just because it was him? ~_

_~ He sprinted through the front door, tossing his backpack to the side. "Any mail for me today?" he asked eagerly. It had been more than a week since he'd sent the letters; even Kat had to have mailed something back by now._

_"No," his dad murmured, staring at his computer. "Sorry, Justin. Not today."_

_"Oh." He tried to smile. "What's for dinner?"_

_"Sorry, I've really gotta get this done today. I ordered a pizza - should be here any time."_

_"Sounds great," he sighed, smile dropping._

_But his dad was already focused on the computer again. ~_

_~ He watched the viewing globe as the horde of Piranatrons abruptly stopped pounding at the doors and ran. But they weren't retreating; they couldn't be. They already had the Rangers trapped._

_He could feel Carlos behind him. He glanced over at the concerned look on his face before turning back to watch. "Pretty soon, they'll all come back, won't they," he said softly._

_"You scared?"_

_He hesitated. "Are you?"_

_Carlos nodded, and for a moment, he could see it in his eyes. "Yeah. I am."_

_He glanced back at the screen. "Me, too."_

This is it, _he realized abruptly._ I'm thirteen years old, and I'm about to - 

_But the Power still refused to let him think the word. ~_

_~ "T.J.! The spaceshuttle is all ours!" he declared into his communicator, safely hidden from view of the security guards. Grinning hurt, but he was too proud to care. He'd done it. He'd finally convinced Commander Norquest that he was serious, and the shuttle was being prepped._

_He'd never been so grateful for all the time Zordon used to let him snoop around the Power Chamber's files._

_He froze._

_Zordon._

_**You must never reveal your identity to anyone.**_

_He'd asked them to turn off the security cameras leading toward the shuttle. The guards had protested, but he'd insisted it was to protect the Ranger's identities. "After everything they've fought for, don't they deserve some privacy?" he'd asked._

_"It's the least we can do," Commander Norquest had agreed, and that was that._

_But he hadn't thought about how he was going to leave the room to go with them. Or how he'd get back out past the guards, who knew to expect him now. Who already thought he was a security risk. General Norquest was allowing him to stay because he'd had the passcode in Zordon's archives that granted the cooperation of NASADA, but that understanding didn't extend to everyone else in the building._

_**You must never reveal your identity to anyone.**_

I ... 

I can't go. Can I. ~ 

The memories began to overwhelm him, leaving him sobbing, screaming, pleading for it all to stop as tears streaked down his cheeks. He could no longer see the monster watching him, or more blade-creatures bustling around and adjusting the machines. He never even felt it when the black liquid raced through the tubing and into his body. He couldn't hear the Power hissing frantically at him, couldn't feel it buzzing angrily in his muscles, making him struggle unconsciously. All he saw was the memories. 

As the blackness seeped into him, the memories began to change ever so slightly. Some of them were wrong, altered, but he couldn't tell what was real and wasn't anymore. The world was spinning, his body was on fire, and all he could see was flashes of betrayal, of the people he'd been stupid enough to call his friends. 

_~ The creature - whatever it was - was gone now. No matter what it looked like, it wasn't much of a fighter._

_"What," he asked slowly, still not lowering his stance, "The hell, was that?"_

_"Maggots," Dex answered, still watching them scurry away. "Count Dregon's foot soldiers. They're not too bright." He turned, giving a cool look. "Go home, Justin. This is more than you can handle. You'll only get hurt." ~_

_~ They were staring at him._

_"Justin, what are you doing here?" Tanya demanded._

_Wasn't it obvious? "Rocky couldn't make it. So he sent me."_

_"What are you talking about?" Adam wondered._

_"Guys! I'm the new Blue Ranger. Isn't that cool or what?"_

_They were still staring at him._

_"What ... ?" Kat asked slowly._

_Tanya was rolling her eyes at him._

_Then Tommy's harsh, annoyed words. "We'll, uh ... We'll talk about this later. Let's go." ~_

_~ No matter how many times he told them what had happened, it was like they couldn't believe it or something. They just couldn't seem to understand why he was there. And Tommy and Tanya looked like they were just *waiting* for him to screw up, so they could send him home. ~_

_~ "But you have to remember that we're your family now, too." ~_

_~ "'kay. Don't stay out here too long. Even Power Rangers need their sleep."_

_"Okay."_ What am I, five? ~ 

They were taunting him, dismissing him. 

_~ "Help," he croaked, reaching for his throat as it tightened painfully. "Guys," he tried again. "Hey, guys."_

_There was no one coming. No one except the monsters. ~_

_~ Tanya was glaring at him._

_He blinked uncertainly, then jumped as he swiftly turned to his left instead._

_Tommy looked annoyed. "Try to keep up, Justin. We don't have time to babysit you." ~_

_~ "We need to move on, Justin," Tommy told him. "Our time as Rangers is over now. It's someone else's turn."_

_"It's time for us to make our own lives," Tanya agreed._

_"Someone else can look after you now," Kat put in._

_Adam nodded. "We're tired of it," he agreed coolly._

_He stared at them, eyes wide. "B-but you said ... you said Rangers are family!"_

_Tommy shrugged. "Some of us are. But you never really fit in."_

_"It's not like we asked for a kid following us around." Tanya rolled her eyes, adjusting her voice as she mocked him. "'I'm the new Blue Ranger! Is that cool or what?' 'Can we do that again?' 'This is awesome!' Rocky was so much better at being a Ranger than you."_

_"The commentary gets old pretty fast," Kat informed him. "The only thing you have going for you is your brain, and Billy's so much smarter than you are."_

_"But I didn't mean it! I couldn't help what I said! Something about the Power - "_

_"Oh, let it go," Adam sighed irritably. "Stop blaming your problems on everyone else. You suck and you know it."_

_"I don't have time for this. I've got better things to do." Tommy jerked his head for the others to follow as he turned. They did, leaving Justin alone. Adam was the only one to look back, making a face at him._

_He stared after them. "I thought you were my friends ... " he whispered brokenly. ~_

They didn't care. They never had. 

_~"Oh, no. The Power Chamber. What a complete catastra-stroke. This was my home!"_

_"It's gonna be okay, Alpha," he promised. "We'll getcha out of this."_

_"How could this have happened?" Alpha demanded, pushing past them all and waiving his hands around angrily. Dimitria and the Blue Senturion have gone, the Megazords are both destroyed, And now, the Power Chamber." The little robot turned, staring at him accusingly with the rest of the Rangers behind him. "What did you *do*?"~_

He'd never mattered to any of them. He never would. 

_~ "He ... he can't go with you," he told the communication line, trying to avoid the eyes staring at him, wondering, judging.. His heart was breaking. He wanted to go with them *so* badly. But he couldn't. There wasn't any way to get away without causing more suspicion._

"It's about time," _Cassie murmured, nearly too soft to be heard._

"Good riddance," _T.J. agreed._

_He stared in horror at the com. What? But they were supposed to be his friends! Why would they say something like that?_

_"All right kid, time to go," one of the guards informed him briskly, grabbing his shoulder and hauling him off._

_"Wait! Can't I at least watch the launch?" he pleaded._

_"Outside," the guard retorted, shoving him unceremoniously through the gates._

_He ran, scrambling up a hillside just in time to watch the shuttle take off. He murmured something appropriate, what he wasn't really sure. Loneliness had settled over him heavily, and he realized suddenly that he was completely alone. Everything he'd had was gone. ~_

He was always alone. 

_~ "Look Hal, I know it's inconvenient, but can't you just take Justin for a little while? Just while I figure things out." ~_

Always had been. 

_~ "Hey, Nico!"_

_"Um, hey Justin. ... What's up?"_

_He hesitated. Something in Nico's expression seemed ... off. "Just wondering what you've been up to. I haven't seen you in awhile."_

_"Yeah, I've been ... really busy. Look, I gotta go. Bye!"_

_" ... Bye." ~_

_~ "You're ... leaving?"_

_Storm Blaster rumbled apologetically, trying to soothe him, but the words he could hear it trying to say were all that mattered._

_He was being left behind. Again. ~_

Always would be. 

_~ Staring at the smoking rubble that had once been his apartment building. He started forward, only to freeze at the sight of a single hand. A gold wedding band wrapped around one finger, its sparkle dulled with blood. Another finger held the amethyst ring they'd saved so hard to give her as a present on her last birthday._

_He looked up to find the Green Ranger standing beside him, helmet under one arm as he stared down at the hand indifferently. "Oh," Tommy commented. "Oops."_

_"Oops?" he repeated numbly._

_He shrugged, turning to walk away. "We can't save them all." ~_

And now he had nothing left to save.


End file.
